This week, we proved scientificologically that this fall's war-themed, apocalypse-filled awards-bait movies will, against all odds, be even bleaker than last year's. What's more depressing than that? The following things:
� David Cook's chances of merchandising any albums.
� The imminent flood of shoddily manufactured, unaccredited Mickey Mouse merchandise.
� The fact that Hollywood hasn't even found a way to utilize the talents of Anna Faris and the cast of The Office.
� Young Jeezy's gold-medal prospects.
� John McCain's impendent victory.
� That we, unlike Soulja Boy, do not accept a Segway scooter to drive around our living room.
� The Jonaspocalypse, the Apatocalypse, and the Hitlerpocalypse.
� YouTube's unfortunate conclusion to read down the video of Tom Cruise's cameo in Tropic Thunder. That post was getting us a lot of traffic!
� The idea of a Veronica Mars movie.
� Benjamin Button's five-hour operative time.
� The fact there is no Olympic gold medallion for beingness Ben Silverman.
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